i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
