Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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