I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
