That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
