Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
