You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
