I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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