My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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