Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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