my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
