i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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