i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
