I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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