I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
