Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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