when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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So many bounce houses so little time
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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