there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize