eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
