Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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