dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
