i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
