When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I supernannyed him into submission
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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