yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
