she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If I die, sorry about rent.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
