I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
