Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
