So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
