so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
