so that wasnt chicken after all
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
