Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
