Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
