My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
