I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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