Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
