Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
