How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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