So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
