is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
