I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It's Friday. Sex?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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