I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
