We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
