Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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