I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
