I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
