Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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