Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
