like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize