u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
