i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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