Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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