I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you win again, gameday.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
