you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
