I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
