so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
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Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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