Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
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just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize