I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
