Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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