Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
