instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
