It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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