Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is it penis luge time yet?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
