I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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