he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
