How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
