i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
