Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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