I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
