My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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