Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
