Sry I called you an 8
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
