I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
