considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
