He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
