I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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