I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize