even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
