Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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